Still?

still think about us?

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there is no one like

God I pray for motivation. Motivation to finish what I started. It’s one thing if I was injured or paralyzed or kidnapped or … idk. But I’m not. I should be sleeping on a bed every weekend but I’m not. Just in case a middle schooler calls and asks if I can come help with something. I just want to be there for the kids. I have to finish school. God get me out of here.

Stuck

may i be freed from this

fire me, please fire me

i don’t want to be held captive by the enemy

let go of my ankle let me walk

release your grip please

i understand what i mean to you but you’re not worth this

back and forth

save me from the darkness

cart this soul to safety

enter this heart lift this burden off

part this raging sea

402

4:02 am

for…oh, to…

“what a night” will not mean the same for us.. time to crash for… oh, two hours…

i’m kind of hungry

this explains why i’m fat.

i’m free starting Thursday.. Til Saturday morning.. what should I do.. my parents are going out on a much-needed/deserved vacation.. maybe i should host something?

stand firm

so many times the winds and waves blow and splash and try to capsize this ship but we gonna rock steady.

 

i dont need anything all i got is Jesus

my fingers needed to regrip

we good i’m not looking back

Not walking the walk

i will not be walking on May 25, 2019. it’s because i have four more things to complete and it’s not wise to rush through it — not in 12 days. i’ll still be done with school way before 2020 but as far as celebrating goes, i’m good with waiting until i’m finished. no shortcuts, dp!

As good as Jesus gets

Yes we won one game this season! Check the FXA website if you c/dare.

You see? Barely! BUTT HAY… who is placing bets on these games? No one!

A win is a win whatever language you speak, wherever tribe you rep. And wow, really wow, I learned tonight that our crew’s only-win was THEIR only-loss. (Earlier they tallied their 2nd red line against a team we lost to a week ago.)

So! Who is really 2nd-best in the league? (Us?) The answer? Does. Not. Matter!

Second-best is saying you barely lost. Second-best is forgotten. Quick. Who did the Patriots beat on Super Bowl Sunday in February?* See?

But on the other side of the coin, where it is more copper we are confronted by a dull argument. Well, who did the Eagles beat in 2018’s Super Bowl? The reigning champs! 

That’s right. The Eagles BEAT THE BEST, the New [Universe] Patriots. And not only did the Eagles slide home by a greasy 8 points, they took out a Cook to make their own signature Philly Special.

When a target is on your back, YOU must prepare that much extra, with this much vigor, with that much enthusiasm. Why? Everyone does everything they can … to pull the strings of upset.

Jesus did, too. If I believe that my identity is anchored in my Lord and Savior, I too, will carry this target on my back — and my adversaries will prepare 200% more than they would against someone who does not carry this cross to shave any points off the scoreboard or injure me, internally or externally.

Coach Smart talked about this target once. The Rams were at one point in the season  ranked 6th in the nation. Teams feared Ram Nation but that pushed and drove their motivation harder to take us down. Beating us would make them look amazing.

And that’s what happened. Visitors came in drooling. We fell out of place. We did not reach those heights again. Jesus died in order to win. In him, we know no such thing as losing. We see his loss for our gain.

It is impossible to see his death as a loss—unless your opinionating that his death wasn’t necessary or that it would have been better if he stayed dead. His dad willed it. Vengeance is mine says the Lord. That’s substitutionary atonement. He took the penalty on our behalf. Christ alone either drives us to take the target off his back, or ask for the same. The latter is us responding in faith.

Is there a target on our back? Hm. There is a target on everyones’ hearts. We know what it’s like being 2nd, 3rd, or unranked. But in Christ we’re always first. And as 1st-placed children, we’re on top of the class. For that we are grateful AND set apart.

But we also know what it feels like to be on the other side. The other side is not more copper. By God’s great mercy we were saved.

The next time you say, “‘This’ is as good as it gets,” consider rephrasing that to, “This is as good as Jesus gets,” because He knows what true victory is, an eternal win is the sweetest of all. That triumph goes beyond our comprehension. We trust that He knows what is best for us. The giver of understanding is who we are loved by and for His glory we love to live for.

Enjoy losing but get used to winning, whether it’s more souls or blossoming in grace that’s eternal.

 

* the St. Louis Rams

If you land here

if you ever land here it’s 10:19 pm, first Friday of May; I’m sitting in a room that’s painted the colorway of sea crystal, air Jordan dunks, wondering: where is my laptop bag? I think I know where it is but I have no clue where it is. I just finished teaching from Louis Berkhof’s summary of Christian doctrine, chapter 2 on general and special revelation. Then we prayed over a passage from Romans 10:11-13 and 1 Peter 2:9–10. Let’s proclaim the excellencies of Jesus more. Yeah, it’s HIM who gave us mercy; Yes?

But where is my laptop? I’m going to go upstairs and check the baby room.. if not there, I’m going to try to think of every place I visited this week.

Few moments later*

it’s not there.

So I had it in my trunk. All week, that’s where I saw it last. Okay.

Honestly. Idk. If this is sad. But I forgot what I did this week. I seriously can’t remember how many times I’ve been in my car. Monday: drove to “work“, drove to Maryland, picked up Muzi, came home, then I.. Tuesday: studied in the morning, drove to get my tires fixed, drove to Lily’s.. football game.. Wednesday: where’d I go on Wednesday.. did I go to WT Auto? Maybe that’s where I left it. Check tomorrow* Thursday: “work”.. and then.. to game.. didn’t see it in my trunk, assumed it would be at home.. Friday: not here in my bag..

okay. Gonna go home.

Protect me

Jesus I trust you’re protecting me against all forces of evil

had a nightmare .. fell asleep in the car .. too tired to gym .. there was a reason for that level of fatigue ..

dont remember too much of what happened .. didn’t even want to think about what went on .. it startled me .. that sick and deep chest burn .. all I recall is the question being asked before waking up ..

“do you really believe in Him?”

Quick quip

it’s true how organic.. God moves. In such mysterious ways, but yes, God moves in such loving and adorable ways. Thank you God for the small moments that remind me how great You are.

so it’s oh-fish-al

no i’m not getting a pet fish but

i’ll be taking care of a dog for a — while? — who knows how long! but idc! yayy. so grateful. thank you Jesus for answering this. 😀

golden doodleeee – coming monday!

Realized

i know that if, and that’s a big if,

I become a dad i’ll be praying to God and asking Him

how to be a good dad

how to prepare my son for the next step, stage, of life

and become more and more sacrificial, not more and more selfish,

Especially teach him how to be a wise leader

a leader who can set the tone a leader who can be the head of the household a leader who depends fully on Jesus’ blood which purifies our sins

sins of mine, sins of my son’s, and maybe, if she’s in the picture, hers

i see how my dad’s weak leadership

affects how i lead others, anywhere, any organization, and I so so so want to pray that

if I ever have a son, i’ll be asking God to help me prepare the kid, who then becomes the teen, who then becomes the adult

To be a good head of a household, to be a good husband, to love others well, and to always always always follow Christ, even if it means humiliation in wealth and, or, poverty.

“CUT!”

“✂️!”

Lol.

God you must REALLY not want me there, 💯.

It’s straight. All part of Your long-run, grand, and good scheme.

So much on my plate, but when have I not said that? It’s been about 10 years since.. God thanks for always keeping it a buck with me.

You got me to where I am at.

Pray.

Punctual

For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:18

Dad you win. You win.

You always win. You never lose.

You’ll win again. You’ll win everything.

My desire to win is losing. My desire to let You win is winning.

If You win, I win, we all win. If I lose, You win, we all win.

Giving is better than receiving.

Before I sleep

“Our primary purpose in community is not that our needs are being met, but that Jesus would be lifted up. It is not that we aren’t blessed by the love we share for one another, but that we experience our greatest joy when Jesus is most glorified.”

“Experiencing a people who confess their sins against one another, repent, and forgive is foreign to the world. Communities that live in this way, transformed by the gospel, will not only have a good reputation among their neighbors, but also they will point them to hope in Jesus.”

ok.

 

From Radical

“The purpose of our lives transcends the country and culture in which we live. Meaning is found in community, not individualism; joy is found in generosity, not materialism; and truth is found in Christ, not universalism. Ultimately, Jesus is a reward worth risking everything to know, experience, and joy.”

You is right David Platt

zzzong

take me today if that’s Your will though/ heaven has beds and pillows/

the softest plush as soon as my eyes close and my mind roams, I would dream of sleeping/ ah, no lower back aches, no snoring that would wake up neighbors in different countries/

if I miss her, yes, but i’ll catch myself before I miss her face/ she’ll join me soon, and I wouldn’t mind, sharing this bed space/

Every blanket has its pros and cons, like sheep or people/ that’s why I chose this song, right before I sleep/

10V3

// 10v3 //

the walk through the garden mm wasn’t it yesterday?
wait … that was six months ago, pardon me … this semester’s wayyy
toooo overwhelming but i’m trying my best to pay
attention to us; need to invest in a heads-up display,
because the road is full of obstacles, check the lanes,
we board planes under dark skies, expect delays
growing stronger & … even when you’re injured you come dressed to play and that’s when i’m asking God what are the next steps to take?
everything’s been real; i’m not going to front, uh, sit here, act like i don’t think it’ll last long, on knee
do i get down though? and ask … the brightest star to light my night sky when i didn’t even pass astron omy
if she says no i’d understand more than she thinks i will,
no matter how many pages she sends me … explaining why … i’ll have to shred the paper and trust that it was never Willed
and the damage inflicted will hopefully be forgiven, forgotten, maybe
wearing her heart on her sleeve of scarlet and cotton, navy
the joker and harley of gotham, crazy
never putting God second anymore, when i did that before my life was toxic, lazy
i had no reason to want to live i forgot that as a Christian i was told to witness
so whoever i meet i’m trying to let him know about heaven’s shindig
when someone hears the Gospel they’re given an option, big diff
receive his gift,
faith or stick to unbelief, but i will try my best to deliver Jesus to your heart
with everything i got in mine, the rest is up to God to switch it

harmony kaching

just hit me: marriage is a divine deal.

a man and a woman say their vows. they are united for as long as they are alive. when a man and a woman get married, they know that they are joined by God’s grace, and when they have children, they raise them, teach them sound doctrine, love them, disciple them to worship Jesus. then the children grow up to repeat the cycle. we weren’t supposed to live in harmony, marriage is so divine. childbearing is so painful, but she will not die. she holds onto the promise that child will join the faith community and expand God’s kingdom for His glory. and the man? he will die for his bride, so that she will be sanctified and made perfect for the time she meets Christ face-to-face.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:25-27

the new covenant, to love him with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind, and to love your neighbor as yourself, is to have a relationship with God through faith in Jesus. like how circumcision was a sign of the covenant family, baptism also is, not professing your faith, but a sign that you’re also a child of the faith.  we have so much security in this family, as Jesus is the groom and the church is his bride.  yes, he died for the church.  thus, churchgoers who receive faith are then welcomed into his household as His children. then they go out and they share the good news, so that God’s descendants will grow more numerous than the stars.

thanks God for my best friend.

Death could not hold you and those in you will never die

so for believers there is eternal life. death lost its sting. so there’s one way to live.

think im going through some thorny times. rough patches. jagged twists. hurts. He’s faithful. He wants me to be faithful. (i dare not announce on social media platforms whether I am or not.)

God is my judge. Please Lord forgive me for the number of times.. I relapse. Your son is perfect, and I in him am covered by his righteousness. Nothing, good or bad, I do, contributes to my salvation. No more Nike’s “Just Do It” campaign that’s been getting people to fail themselves and feel inadequate more than they started.

Just faith. Just Scripture. Just grace.

She says that she hopes that she’s someone I prayed for, while I’m sitting here like, I don’t deserve a milli-rocking-second of her attention. For her to even remember my name..

while im telling her not to eat mcD’s I’m here ordering a double cheese burger happy meal with gogurts and fries with no salt. I’m a wreck and not talking the potbelly sandwich.

please Lord take everything away from what I don’t need right now.

He prays, He praises

prays.. and praise.. is like breath.. and breathe..

I have so much to do, it’s not funny. If I laugh, it’s because I cry. Haha. 😭.

My lower back isn’t in the best shape so I’m trying to make the right (necessary?) moves. image.jpg

God, you created time. You created space. You are love.

4:15 PM and it feels like I’m..

Live life to its fullest. Rely on Him to push you through.  Prayers up.

WIND

https://soundcloud.com/dr0op/wind

i can hear your cries in the wind, feel your tears in the rain/

2 times is a pattern/ (my supervisor at seasons 52 told me that if i do something twice he’ll see it as a pattern)

your voice gets lost in the chatter/ (trying to listen for God’s voice but it gets drowned in the world sometimes)

batter up, or batter down?/ (step up to the plate and swing? or ‘bat-her down’ reject her?)

look who got more rings than Saturn now/ (Saturn has seven rings, Jordan has six championship rings — Jesus is king though)

Saturday cartoons, hear the laughter? how?/  (remember every Saturday we’d get up early to watch TV shows? where did that go?)

the parents acting all childish in the living room (no matter what, they argue)/ (more than the kids acting childish, the older I get it’s the parents (or myself in the future when I become a parent) acting like kids, arguing)

pay it forward. pay it forward?!/ (remember to give is to bless and we repeat that because earlier I said ‘two times is a pattern’)

got no money in my checking and i’m checking if i could buy another second/ (just because you have no money doesn’t mean you can’t use your credit card; they say time is money but you know that’s not true)

get by another second, every breath and step in the right direction/ (money won’t buy you extra time, so your whole body is God’s, you are a living sacrifice)

by faith not by sight i’m trekking. following the voice of the shepherd, where he promises i can find my rest in/ (Jesus is the Shepherd, and only his sheep know His voice, it’s not what I will do, but by faith in Him, I will obey no matter how hard it gets; Matthew 11:28)

Good time

Consolation for the heartbroken is here.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Rev. 21:4

14CCF5F3-53F5-45EF-97DE-AE2653194F06.jpeg

Keep your responses to incidents minor or major consistent, simply because no matter what happens, God remains faithful.

Relieved although re-lived.

what’s your cliche?

is this what near-30 year old’s think about? dang. entering the new year with hold-up-wait-a-second i’m-still-getting-dressed thoughts. grandma turned 87 yesterday. next year i’ll be 30 and she’ll be 88, the year i was born. i got lost thinking about my childhood. i got surprised remembering to thank my cousin for not giving me money to enable my addiction. i got swerved thinking about how she’s raising her daughter in a Jewish school. shoot. reality check just came in the mail. amount’s too big to disclose. if you know an accountant let me know, keep me accountable. mixtape 2018? i wish. lyrics are hard to write when you’re writing papers all day.

the nightmare

is a female horse that trots in darkness. when it’s pitched black outside, she thrives, chewing glum when her breath’s hotter than her temper.

she waits for her sunset in shining armor, and runs away from dawn’s wake up call: mourning.

Our nightmare tortures those who do not find peace, who seek no comfort in the One who saves, and who don’t believe that this loving person is a … real person.

2:47 am

might be my favorite hour of the day. just reminds you Jesus is the same yesterday today and tomorrow that His grace is unchanging 24/7.

just took a nap in my car and now about to go all out.. until my eyes get heavy and anchor the body to rest again.

5:52 quick reminder as I sit in the Tyson’s McDonald’s:

1) they blast the music so people can’t “fall asleep” here. There are a few who have overcome the boombap so I call that a boom…nap.

2) remember Daniel, you’re not alone. There are probably millions of people out there in the world studying and reading books and trusting in God’s providence at a mcdonald’s or maybe a Burger King.

3) that maxim “time is money” is a head scratcher. Do those who want more time want more money? Those with no time to spend with their kids means they don’t have any money to spend on their kids? Do people with a lot of time in their hands have a lot of money in their hands? Where you spend the most time, is that where you spend the most money? But what about those who don’t love money? They don’t love time? Hm.

DisciPline

give us mercy, please. please.
Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.”
Hebrews 12:3-6 ESV
who’s ok?