“Underachieved” is an understatement.
As cozy as it sounds, a group of NFL fanatics cooped up in Mr. Brian Sato‘s living room was everything but warm and fuzzy.
I plopped down on the poofy couch but was overwrought. I tried, trust me, to take my own advice “DON’T PANIC. EVER,” but the opposition was too strong.
Reviewing my research 20 minutes prior to Draft time, I duped myself into thinking that everything would unravel perfectly. My position was indeed, what I secretly desired all this time. Yeah. Someone reading this, please create a time machine, beckon me in, and take us back 12 hours.
Enough of my dopey whining. Here’s how I did:
1st Round Sixth Pick; Seahawks RB, Marshawn Lynch
Trust me. I vomited in my mouth when Antonio took LeSean McCoy 2nd overall. It was a great move on his part, kudos, but wow no one expected him to be this ballsy. T. Rich from CLE, Ray Rice (BAL), or Arian Foster (HOU) remained, but Lynch stuck out to me like Janet Jackson‘s nipple in Super Bowl 38’s Halftime Wardrobe Malfunction Show in 2004 (welcome back, JT and N’SYNC). For starters, Russell Wilson is a quarterback under development of shepherd and head coach of the Seahawks, Pete Carroll. As a rookie, Wilson threw 26 touchdown passes with 10 interceptions in 2012. He’s proven that he’s capable of tossing nearly 2 TDs a game. My olfactory senses are picking up a sophomore slump roasting in Seattle this year, and the loss of Percy Harvin to an ACL injury does their offense no better than the previous. This means that RB Lynch will (crossing fingers) carry the load once again (315 attempts).
2nd Round; Packers QB Aaron Rodgers
My friend swiped Megatron’s pal Optimus Reggie Bush off the board right before I did, making my decision that much easier. I predicted that the best quarterback in the league, Aaron Rodgers, would (obviously) not be available in the 3rd round, nor did RB Stevan Ridley and David Wilson from the Giants catch my eye. The quarterback will reap in $40 million in 2013, Jermichael Finley hands look improved (for now), and if their offense establishes a running game early, then the Packers will prosper come wintertime.
3rd Round: Falcons RB Steven Jackson
My fingers slipped with this pick. Frank Gore and Darren Sproles shouted for me from the crowd – I was too busy staring at Jackson’s high rank. He was the ranked 34th, and the next runningback hovered from a distance. I don’t believe he’ll be the best value for Fantasy. In Real Life football, he will definitely contribute as a role player for the Falcons offense. But in the Fantasy World, the aging runningback who’s been on a statistical decline since 2006 (honestly, be real), won’t be rushing for 1,000 yards especially with solid QB play from Matt Ryan.
We see Jackson being used to close out games (remember their 17-point lead against the 49ers in the NFC Championship?). That means that Jackson will run for an extra 50 yards at the end before they kneel the ball and scoring drives will result in field goal attempts (that is unless they’re within 10 yards from the endzone).
4th Round: Saints WR Marques Colston
This pick refreshed my emotions of regret from the last selection. Colston is a threat-to-score-six at least once a game, and his production’s burgeoned annually since the season he injured his thumb (2008). Look. Jimmy Graham or not, Drew Brees’ rapport with Colston commenced when Brees was brought in from San Diego (2006), when the wide receiver was just a seventh-round pick and rookie from Hofstra. Together they endured memorable years — and barring any setbacks, 2013 could be the season that MC sets a career-high.
5th Round: Dolphins WR Mike Wallace
This one-trick pony (out of all the veteran wide receivers) is IMO, the steal of this draft. He’s been successful in freezing temperatures up in Pittsburgh, has he not? 32 touchdowns in 48 games? Drafted in 2009, Wallace has yet to play a full season since 2010 – but the electrifying receiver will light up Miami’s offense on fire (in a good way) and allow the strong-armed Ryan Tannehill to launch away under the sun. #CantWait
6th Round: Rams WR Tavon Austin
Sam Bradford’s other option is this year’s sleeper WR Chris Givens. Austin Pettis and Brian Quick are reliable, too but aren’t as sought out as Givens or Tavon Austin. Coach Jeff Fisher won’t talk about how the team will be utilizing Austin’s assets, so for now his explosiveness will be contained in the confines of today’s NFL.com article.
7th Round: Falcons QB Matt Ryan
Life is not fair, you know that. For Matt Ryan to be available this late, I couldn’t prevent myself from adding extra icing to the cake. Of course, I’m aware I have A. Rod., which gives me leverage later when or if the Packers legend gets injured. It gives me flexibility to start either/or quarterback based on their matchups, and ultimately Ryan is great eye-candy for those in my league who want to rid an under-performing Cam, Matt Stafford, or even RGIII. #TradeBait
8th Round: Jaguars WR Justin Blackmon
Ahem. I was away from my laptop as my pick timer waned and my sly friends, they stayed quiet. I ran over, saw 20 seconds left, foraged through the draft board like a mad man and Blackmon enticed me. Right, He’s suspended for the first four games and will be back Justin time for the Rams, a great game to regain his confidence. They then play the Broncos, Chargers, 49ers, Titans…and I’m in love with this selection.
9th Round: Patriots TE Zach Sudfield
With Aaron Hernandez most likely out, Sudfield is a must-have.
Kicker Ravens Justin Tucker
Baltimore Ravens RB Bernard Pierce, Houston Texans TE Owen Daniels, Atlanta Falcons RB Jacquizz Rodgers, Cincinnati Bengals WR Andrew Hawkins, Cincinnati Bengals TE Tyler Eifert, Green Bay Packers WR Jonathan Franklin